Why are changes so hard to make? And what can we do about making them last?

We are at the beginning of a new year. A year of opportunities to meet expectations, intentions, resolutions, or goals that we’ve set for ourselves. Oftentimes we are well intentioned and feel as though nothing is going to stop us. Until that hurdle looks you dead in the face. We stumble, maybe even fall down. We get off track. But do you get back up? Many times we don’t. And it’s not because we don’t want it. It’s because change is fucking hard. As much as we want to let go of the past year and make changes we know will benefit us, things carry over because it’s a new year, not necessarily a new life.

We are all unique human beings, influenced by our upbringings and the people around us. Everything we absorb influences how we handle situations in life and approach change. From our families, to our friends, to our communities, to media, to school and work experiences, and even to our traumas. All of these things impact our responses to things going on in our lives and we become accustomed to certain ways of dealing with them because it’s all we know. Our brains are wired toward what’s familiar and what’s comfortable. So when that challenge arises, we naturally gravitate to the familiar ways of dealing with things. It’s biology, really. But it may not be the way that actually creates change. So how do we make meaningful, lasting changes when we naturally choose the easier, more familiar paths?

The first step is awareness. Evaluate how you typically respond to change. What have your reactions to change been in the past? What typically trips you up? And how does that impact you and the people close to you? Get curious about how you deal with conflict or problems. Could this make it easier or harder to make change in your life?

What’s next? Be realistic! Evaluate what is actually doable in your life. Don’t set a goal that you’re going to go to the gym 5-7 days a week if you’ve never stepped foot in a gym. Don’t plan to save up $100 a week if you’ve never put a cent aside. What is realistic to you? Small and attainable goals are gold!

Most importantly, give yourself grace and expect the challenges. The obstacles are going to come. It’s inevitable. But don’t let them sidetrack you. You may feel stunned, you may be emotional, and you may need a short time to gather yourself. But it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or haven’t made any progress. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean your should just give up. It’s just a part of the process. Watch how each time you rise from a challenge you grow and are actually able to tackle more daunting issues.

I know it’s not easy. Sometimes the changes you need to make in your life are changes you don’t even really want- which can make it even harder to accomplish. But you know it’s best for you. So make this new year a real new beginning for you. Let go of old habits, things, people, who won’t encourage your growth. Welcome new strategies, mindsets, perspectives, and behaviors. And love yourself through the process. Here’s to a new year!

By: Katherine Pines, LCSW