Dolores Catania has become a well- known name in many households over the past three years. Her face is recognizable from the hit Bravo show The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Dolores has a strong and beautiful presence that captures the attention of her audience when she often speaks her mind with honesty. The day we met for our interview, Dolores walked into my office on the phone negotiating with a hotel manager on the other end. She was helping a displaced elderly woman and her grandson get situated into an apartment and while Dolores was having the apartment for them cleaned she had them settled in a hotel for a few days. She even went as far as having their new place furnished and provided meals for them. Before we even greeted each other, I understood her genuineness and compassion for others. That day we sat and talked for four hours about the ups and downs of life.
Our vision can often be blurred when we only understand things at face value and what we see on television isn’t always what it’s been through the years for Dolores. Like many women out there Dolores has had many of her own struggles. She’s the daughter of blue collar, working parents who grew up in Paterson, NJ in the Italian/ Irish section of the neighborhood. She was the second oldest of five children. Dolores was third generation born in America, had a large Italian family and they held on to roots when it came to their culture. Dolores’ mother worked as a waitress in a restaurant; her father was in the marines and he later became a police officer. He worked his way up to become Chief of Police in Paterson and was a well-respected man in and out of the home. “I looked up so much to him that I wanted to become a cop” she said.
Dolores decided not to go to college after high school and instead took on jobs at a salon as a shampoo girl during the day and waitressed at night with her mother. During one of her waitressing shifts she met her now ex-husband, Frank, who was fresh out of law school and they began dating. Soon after, she began working as a Sheriff’s Officer in the Passaic County jail system. Things moved fairly quickly in their relationship and before you knew it she was married and expecting her first child. At age 25, she had her daughter Gabrielle and four years later her son Frank Jr. was born. Her husband was an attorney and Dolores was faced with a choice to make; the choice to be a working or stay at home mother. She made the decision to stay at home with her children as she felt her small salary of $20k a year wasn’t worth losing time with her children when her husband owned a law firm. “But things were different then. I wouldn’t suggest staying home to anyone now” she professed.
Her marriage began unraveling while she was in her third trimester of pregnancy with her son and by the time he was a few months old she and Frank decided to go their separate ways. By age 28, she was a single mother. Dolores recognizes the difficulties through the marriage and her efforts to save it despite discovering there was infidelity involved as she was preparing to give birth. Instead of enjoying the last days of her pregnancy, Dolores found herself going to great lengths trying to figure out what was happening and who this woman was. She recalled the months of whirlwind like it had just happened. “I gave him the phone and told him ‘break up with your girlfriend right now and I won’t mention it again’ but he said he was leaving and I was completely heartbroken” she said. Dolores remembers the night he left her daughter telling her, “Don’t sleep on daddy’s pillow. He’s coming back home.” Dolores’ message for women who may be in similar situations as her, “If you become consumed with what your husband’s doing behind your back, you take time away from your children and they grow up so fast that you don’t get that back.” She emphasizes the importance of women understanding their worth in order to keep integrity, respect and protect their children’s innocence.
The days became difficult. She had a newborn and toddler to care for. “I cried a lot. I wanted to fall apart a lot. But you can’t do that. You have your children who need you and you have to get up. If not for yourself, then for them” she said. She was determined to maintain a healthy environment for her children. Her maternal grandmother who was one of her biggest influences embedded family values in Dolores; one being “you always take care of your family and nothing ever comes between you” she said. That has always stuck with her and despite the divorce and her ex-husband being in a relationship with someone else, she kept an amicable relationship with him. “Frank and I treat each other like family” she stated.
Although he continued to support his family and she maintained a great lifestyle, Dolores wasn’t earning her own income and was still dependent financially. The years went by, the economy took a hit and real estate crashed. “Frank called me up and told me there’s nothing left. We ran through all of our savings” she said. Dolores realized she needed to start hustling for work and life was about to change once again. Things became difficult quickly. They scrambled around for school tuition and mortgage payments which were late. Dolores said, “Before you knew it I was scraping through the couches to look for change to buy bagels. I didn’t like to ask anyone for help.”
Dolores was realizing she didn’t know what to do for work. “I didn’t go to school. I didn’t have the experiences. I don’t know what my passion is” she said. She met a woman who was a surgical technician and decided it was something she could try out. Her daughter was 16 years old and helped her study for the exam. Something people may not know about Dolores is her experience with having dyslexia. “It’s always been a struggle for me” she said. There were obstacles, but she worked hard to get past them and she focused on survival. It became strenuous for her as people often judged her. “I went from driving nice cars and having a place in Miami to working a $15 an hour entry level job. I pulled up in a Mercedes, but didn’t have money to put gas in it. It was embarrassing” she said. While she was working at the surgical center, she would pick up extra hours. “I was so scared I could lose my job that I wouldn’t even take a break. I would mop the floors to keep busy so they didn’t see me sitting around” she said. Dolores talked with me about one of the nights she acknowledged she was in real hardship. “I borrowed money to get my bartending license and I don’t even drink. One night I didn’t make enough money in tips so I couldn’t put gas in my car. I had to walk home at 2a and I still remember it was freezing that night. I couldn’t bear the thought of asking someone to pick me up” she said. She knew she had bills to pay and this wouldn’t be the rest of her life. This was just a chapter of restructuring their lives and most importantly, they were surviving.
Along the way, Dolores fell in love again and found companionship. She was engaged for five years, but at some point came to the understanding the relationship wasn’t what was best for her. Her children were growing up quickly and changes needed to occur. In 2014, Dolores was approached again with an opportunity to be a cast member on the hit reality show “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” “I had the opportunity to be on the show ten years ago when it originally started, but I was busy raising my kids. I didn’t want to get into it at that point” she said. When she came on three seasons ago, she had just ended her relationship with her fiancé and moved back into her home she had originally shared with her ex-husband. “I told him I needed to move back because my relationship ended and he said that’s fine. He moved out and I moved in” she said. Dolores acknowledged “My house wasn’t even furnished when the show began and Jacqueline Laurita, one of the other housewives, lent me the extra furniture she had in her basement for the show. She helped me out.”
Dolores is currently in her third season with the show. But the show is the icing on the cake. She’s an entrepreneur, involved in the house flipping business with her husband. If you watch the show carefully, you’ll quickly be able to pick up on who Dolores Catania is. Who she presents as on the show is who she is when the cameras are off. Dolores is one of the most modest and giving people I’ve known. When we talked about what her passion was she laughed, “I don’t f*ckin know what my passion is. I don’t have one.” But what we quickly discovered as we continued the conversation was her passion was to help people. Dolores goes above and beyond if it means the betterment of someone’s life. She’s often busy helping to raise money for charities or personally working with women, children and families one on one to get them on their feet and remembers details of people she works with. She uses her platform and following to empower people. Dolores’ recent charity work involved raising money for St. Joseph’s Children’s Hospital 2018 holiday party. She is also supporting and donating her time to help rebuild her childhood town of Paterson in the hopes of improving the opportunities and future of the families who now call it their home. Along with the work she does with people, she is heavily involved in animal rescue and working with shelters.
She has not only become successful in her businesses and non-profit work, but she raised her children right. Despite the ups and downs, they focused on their passion. Her daughter is studying overseas to become a veterinarian and her son is studying finance. Dolores’s current struggles involve being an empty nester, but she’s getting through, by exploring and redefining herself and making purpose out of her passion. “I’m teaching myself to be about myself” she stated. Her advice to women who feel like things will never get better, “Don’t sweat the small stuff, even if it seems like such a big deal in the moment. It’ll all pass and you’ll overcome it.” A woman who is genuinely beautiful inside and out; stay tuned because you’ll be seeing more of her. Follow her passion and journey @dolorescatania
Best,
Tanvi Mathew, MS, LPC
EMERGE- The Counseling & Coaching Center
