I met Renee a few months back when I attended a luncheon she hosts every few months and provides a platform for women who are part of the MTO (My Time Out) family to talk about their trade of work. It was the first time I had heard of her name, but by the end of the two-hour luncheon I was able to sense her passion and drive to build a community around mothers and to advocate for mental health.
Renee uses her experiences through the years and has turned her sorrow and hardships into knowledge to help mothers who are experiencing struggles in their lives. She is not only a mommy mental health advocate and community builder, but she became Reiki certified in the Usui System of Natural Healing and is also working towards obtaining her Pilates certification. Motherhood is joyful but can be exhausting, physically and emotionally. Renee believes that mothers need to do more connecting to their inner SELF to combat those stresses from a more holistic and soulful place.
Renee’s story stems from a different path. She was adopted from S. Korea by a Caucasian family when she was seven months old, brought to the U.S and raised in Illinois. It was not secret to her that she was different from her family. Renee was the second oldest of five children and two of her other siblings were also adopted. “I accepted that I was adopted. I had come to peace with it and told myself this was the best thing for me. It was a gift.” Renee said. She grew up in the 80’s in a northeastern farm town. As per Renee, “It wasn’t cool to be the adopted Asian kid.” Renee always felt as if she were struggling to find her own identity but that was a very difficult feeling like the target in her home.
They were a blue collar family who went to church every week. Her father worked hard to provide for his family and her mother was a stay at home mom. Shortly after Renee was adopted, her mother became pregnant. “My mother didn’t bond with me when they brought me home,” said Renee and after her sister was born, Renee believes she may have suffered from postpartum depression or some other sort of mental health condition. Renee often felt like the black sheep and the anger was often taken out on her as the years went by. The expectations for Renee were different than her siblings. “I was Cinderella from beginning to end. My mother used me as the housekeeper. I had to do dishes for nine people and she made me methodically clean them a certain way” Renee stated. She recalled so many other memories such as when “My mother would give my sister a kiss goodnight, but would walk past me without saying anything. We shared a room. I felt it.” The situation became worse in high school and she began experiencing a love/ hate relationship with herself and her family. After repeated attempts to improve the relationship with her parents, she left the home at the age of 17. “Right after graduation I was kicked out of my house in my pajamas and shoeless. I went to a friend’s house and all my belongings were left for me in a garbage bag” Renee said.
Renee didn’t have contact with her family from age 17-30. She was on her own. She entered the corporate world when she was 18 and was trained by a temp agency. She even enrolled in a four-year university but failed out two times. She continued on in the workforce and moved into sales. She was making it work and gained her independence. As time went on Renee moved around a bit and out of state eventually in 2004 to Jackson Hole, WY. She met her husband a year and a half later. They married and had two children. Despite trying to make it work, the marriage ended when her son was 10 months old. At the time, Renee had opened up an early childhood development center and her ex-husband was mostly in NJ for work. Life became difficult once again and this time she had two young children to care for. Renee’s support system was limited. She had briefly reconnected with her parents for about a year, but realized it still wasn’t a healthy relationship for her. She only had a few close friends around her. She tried her best to keep moving, but in 2010 she hit her lowest point which she wrote about in the 2015 published book “Redefining Success”. “My child care facility wasn’t doing well due to the crash of the economy and I had to close my business. At that same time my boyfriend took his own life” Renee said. For several months, grieving a death, the end of a marriage, the failure of a business, and becoming a full time single mom; she wasn’t sleeping and her stress heightened. In the midst of this, Renee had suffered from an isolated seizure and by November 2010 all her cognitive abilities were limited to the point her depth perception faded and she could no longer drive. Over a short period of time Renee began experiencing paranoia and panic. She went back and forth between NJ and Wyoming to get support for herself and care for her children. “I felt like it was never going to get better. My daughter was three years old. I felt defeated and cried a lot. I was constantly battling my ex-husband who wanted to take advantage of my physical and emotional state. At the forceful advice of my best friend, I went back out to Wyoming without my kids for six weeks. I needed to physically heal and emotionally pull it together. I had to figure out what I was going to do. I returned to NJ” Renee stated. Her ex-husband’s family was centralized in NJ and she wanted to ensure that they could co-parent easily with some sort of support system.
She started off by renting an affordable room from another divorced mother when she moved to NJ, but was still separated from her children because there wasn’t enough space. She took a job working at Express as a salesperson and worked hard to save money and moved into yet another shared space with a divorced mom. This time there was enough room and Renee shared one bedroom with her children. She rented there for over three years and then was finally able to move into a one-bedroom apartment over a restaurant with her children. A place she could call her own. Despite the strain, she kept herself moving. She also had to claim personal bankruptcy due to the looming debt she was left with after the divorce. She went through approximately 14 job transitions between 2011-2018, each one a stepping stone to something better; always an improvement for herself and her kids.
After four years of grinding and surviving, Renee realized she still didn’t have support and was feeling a void. She went on a community page on social media and asked if any moms wanted to meet and get a drink. Within a few hours, she had created a community Facebook page called Mommies Time-Out and a couple hundred women instantly became members. This was the birth of “My Time Out,” a community built for and around mothers which emphasizes mental health and wellness. Through My Time Out Renee also provides a platform for women business owners and entrepreneurs to market themselves through blogging, FB live interviews as well as talking about real life everyday issues we experience as mothers. She also provides opportunities for moms of the local community to gather for TIME-OUT’s with and without their children. Renee found her passion and purpose.
During this time period, Renee felt inspired and compelled to search for more information about her birth and her biological mother. She had never felt the need to look for her birth mother because it was nearly impossible. Renee had two separate birth records which made it even more difficult for her to find her roots. The roots also that her adoptive mother had kept from her, but she didn’t give up and discovered her birth mother was 19 years old when she became pregnant and it was kept a secret because she had been sexually assaulted. She had given birth at a private hospital and had to give Renee up; “To give the baby a chance…” is what her records stated. Renee had been through two foster homes in S. Korea before she was adopted. This gave her a sense of closure, understanding and appreciation to know the sacrifice her birth mother made to give her a chance at life.
Renee reflected from where she is now to where her life began and the different roads she’s gone down. “I used to feel like everything I touched turned to crap. I felt like I had no identity and I felt alone. My children couldn’t even fill certain gaps in my heart. I felt like the devil or some sort of dark energy had been following me around all my life, but I believe that I constantly had an army of angels and divine intervention protecting me” Renee said. There is no doubt that Renee Jensen’s life has taken a positive turn. She now realizes that she’s a wonderful person and mother. “I have a complete love for myself. I have inner peace and live life my way each and every day. I never give up” she said. She also recognizes that many suffer in silence and she feels compelled to use her experience to help others.
When asked where she saw her future heading, Renee answered, “Where am I headed? I believe the world is in a major shift right now as far as people, their faith and what they believe to be true. I feel like I’m part of that shift. I feel like I’m going to spend my life spreading the word on love, hope and mental health from a very soulful and spiritual place. I’m still journeying down the road of personal spiritual healing. I want to publicly speak about my story and bring hope and faith to those who are feeling like I once did. Your life is not defined by the crappy things that happen to you. It’s about climbing out of the crap one step at a time and finding the meaning and YOUR truth behind it all.” She now identifies her support system as being her children, the My Time-Out community and most importantly, her Spiritual team and God. “For me, I believe that I am not alone and my own personal experience would prove that there is greater good in the world and in the universe. It protects us all and if we could all just recognize it and support each other despite our differences, then maybe we could all live life with more peace and joy in our hearts and souls.” Renee stated.
Renee is dedicating her time to not only healing and rebuilding herself, but helping other women. She posts relevant information from morning to night to facilitate women in navigating through various hurdles and obstacles. She is a genuine helper, a giver that wants to uplift others. Renee’s new journey has only begun. Keep a lookout for this motivational woman who has so much to offer.
Follow her amazing journey @mytime_out and mytime-out.com
Best,
Tanvi Mathew, MS, LPC
EMERGE- The Counseling & Coaching Center
