Jayme and I go way back to elementary school. She was one of the first friends I made when I moved into the new neighborhood when I was seven years old. Jayme was a “social butterfly,” always outgoing and always had an answer to any question you asked her. She was a leader and created her own path from a young age. She was the captain of the safety patrol and recalls adoring her childhood. Our town, our school and our friends were our entire life. Summers were spent riding bikes to each other’s houses, hopping fences and eating ice pops. Life was different. There was freedom, trust and we did what we were supposed to do.
I haven’t seen Jayme since we were teenagers, but we stay in touch on social media. When I started this project, Jayme came to mind. I saw a glimpse of her difficult journey and it always resonated with me. When I reached out to her, she was on board immediately. The day we spoke on the phone for the interview we reminisced through laughter and tears about how life seemed simple back when we were children and we used to be genuinely happy.
So much has happened over the years and Jayme was not handed anything easily. Jayme had loving parents and an older brother. They seemed to be the perfect family. Her parents were high school sweethearts and were so in love. “My parents were rarely seen out without one another. They couldn’t live without one another” said Jayme. When Jayme started 6th grade and entered middle school, her mother was diagnosed with cancer. Jayme recalled, “I remember thinking this doctor was going to save my mom. My dad would drive us to the hospital at all hours of the night and he would be by her side as much as possible.” On September 11, 1993, her father received a call from the hospital and told the kids he had to go. Her father chose to drop Jayme and her brother off at a friend’s house because he didn’t want the children to see their mother on her death bed. “He wanted us to remember vibrant mom. I feel like that saved my childhood strangely” Jayme said. Later that night he returned and said, “mommy passed away” and had told his children “I don’t want you to remember her the way she is, just remember her the way she was.” She referred to parents as being “obsessed with each other” and knew from that moment she wasn’t going to have her father much longer. But from that moment she stated “I felt like I had to get my shit together and I went into parent stage.”
The next two years were difficult. Jayme took on a load of the work around the house. Her father retired shortly after her mother’s death to be with the children. But he was also experiencing depression, had turned to alcohol to help cope with the loss of his soulmate and the family wasn’t connected the same way. Prior to the loss of her mother, Jayme had never even seen her parents take a sip of alcohol nor did she ever remember being around it. Jayme would remove herself and stay away. “I couldn’t keep myself in a situation that was going to be more hurtful to me. I’m removing myself. I had to process it,” she said. There was a brief period when close family friends, the Romeos, intervened and removed Jayme and her brother from the home. They lived with the Romeo family for a few months and they transported the children to and from school. Jayme appreciates their dedication until this very day and stated “when you think about who you want to have your kids when you’re gone, the answer is someone like the Romeos.” Once Jayme and her brother moved back home it wasn’t long before her father’s pattern of behaviors began again. On December 21, 1995 Jayme lost her father. It was snowing outside and she asked if she could stay home from school. Moments later there was a bang in the bathroom and her father had fallen. By the time the ambulance arrived he had passed away.
That very night Jayme and her brother had to pack all their belongings and move to South Jersey to live with her uncle and aunt. She remembers her cousin yelling at her to pack up her belongings. “That is ingrained in my mind forever” said Jayme. Her guardians sold her parents belongings and childhood home. “I think about the things I grew up with and how I didn’t get the opportunity to have things passed down to me. Luckily I have some photos, my parents’ bedroom set I fought to get and some random things left but not much” she stated.
“My relatives were like stranger to us,” Jayme said. She didn’t have the best relationship with them and almost didn’t feel welcome to be there, but she had to for the next four years. Despite her environment Jayme maintained her grades, was a cheerleader and followed the rules. As the years went by the situation became more strained. Jayme didn’t experience the nurturing that most kids get and she grew up fast. One week after her high school graduation her aunt and uncle asked her “Where are you going to live after you turn 18 in a few weeks?” “My friends were shopping and planning how they were going to decorate their dorms and I had to figure out what I was going to do to survive” Jayme said. She recalls this being one of her emotional lows and “felt so unloved.” “What did I do to be treated like such shit? I lost my parents, my grandparents, my home and I’m losing my sense of self” recalled Jayme.
Nevertheless, she hustled and found an apartment in Wildwood Crest for the summer and worked at a pizzeria. “It was sink or swim” Jayme said. Despite the struggle, she described a feeling of “freedom” when she turned 18. Jayme had no choice but to work for her survival. Most of the inheritance her parents had left was already gone because the will was generic and her guardians were able to use her money as they deemed fit to care for Jayme. She lived temporarily with friends and spent nights crying, but one thing she made clear was “I never felt like I didn’t have an option and can’t recover.” At the age of 19, Jayme experience another loss when her boyfriend passed away suddenly in a car accident. She wasn’t even 20 years old yet and had experienced an unimaginable amount of loss. This was the first love she had experienced. It was devastating to her and a long grieving process, but once again she realized she needed to keep moving forward.
Jayme had been managing a restaurant in Cape May while she put herself through school. She initially started at Cumberland County College. During this period, she also met her ex-husband. After six months together they move to Charleston, S. Carolina where she continued with her studies. She found out about the 2+2 program at Trident Technical College and The Citadel. She would work during the day and go to classes at night. Her college education was fully funded through scholarships and grants because she wasn’t considered a dependent, but instead an orphan. “I would buy my books on eBay and pinch every single penny” she said.
In 2004 she and her now ex-husband bought a home, in 2005 they were married and by 2007 they welcomed their first daughter. Jayme recalled when her father told her that her mother’s last words were about Jayme getting married and having children. “I wanted that missing piece so that’s why I think I married so young and had Madison at 25 when most of our friends were partying. I wanted that stability and foundation” Jayme stated.
Before having her first child, Jayme nannied for a real estate broker named Meg. “It was because of Meg I grew interested in real estate” said Jayme. Jayme saw that Meg was not only an amazing boss, but was also able to be around for her children. Jayme realized that she wanted a career and children and it was all doable. She recalled taking her newborn daughter to showings because there were no other options. Jayme remembers, “I also ratified offers literally within hours of having a baby.” She appreciated her line of work because although it is a 24/7 job and there are no days off, she is able to control her time the way she deems necessary.
Along the way Jayme’s marriage fell apart. Despite efforts to repair and reconcile, it didn’t work. Jayme came to terms with it and realized this was another part of her journey. In 2017 they separated and Jayme began redefining herself again. She has an even better understanding now of who she is and what her needs are.
When Jayme was asked what she sees and wants for her future her response was “time is so precious and apparent to me. My kids are growing up so fast and I haven’t traveled with them. I want to do things with my kids and give them experiences.” Jayme is focused on not only providing stability for her children, but happiness as well. She wants her children to understand how fortunate they are and teaching them to be aware. Jayme is in a relationship now where she is happy, confident and sees herself marrying again one day. Jayme’s advice to parents is emphasizing the importance of securing a future for your children. “We aren’t immune to death and you don’t think your kids will ever be without one parent and you take that for granted. But you could end up with no parents and you have to make better decisions for your kids” said Jayme.
There is no doubt that Jayme has experienced more loss and suffering at a young age than most people do in a lifetime, but as she states, “I’ve never let myself hit rock bottom.” She recognized there were choices for her to make and she chose to make the ones that would lead her down a better path. Jayme is a prominent real estate agent in Charleston. She loves what she does and you’ll find her posting pictures of some of the beautiful homes she’s selling as well as house as design tips for your home. The jersey girl who keeps her roots and is a southern belle at heart has independently created and chosen her course in life she wants to take and is living her best. She is empowering and strong willed for women of all ages.
Best,
Tanvi Mathew, MS, LPC
EMERGE- The Counseling & Coaching Center
