Grief is a beast and it can show up in different ways. Most times we associate grief with death. But what about grieving those who are still alive? We tend to overlook the power of grief when we experience break ups, divorce, friendships ending, losing valuable and meaningful items, and even our own growth and transformation sparks grief of our past selves. Ultimately, any experience of loss can lead to grief. However, grieving someone who has not died can be especially hard because a lot of these times we are still seeing that person in some capacity and/or we know they are now living their lives without us. They have now become a stranger as you live separate lives. Just as we do when someone we love passes away, we then find ourselves grieving the past, the present, and dreams of what we thought life was going to be with that person in it.

The way I see it, grief is love. It shows us that we truly loved and cared about something or someone and we are then faced with the emotional challenges of having to let go. Letting go is not easy, but it is the path to finding peace in the endings in your life. It’s important to turn to healing rituals, religion/spirituality, therapy, family and friends, and other ways to move through the grief, find understanding, and take in the lessons the experience has given you to allow yourself to let go. It’s helpful to find ways to reach out and seek connections with those who are still in your life. The more you avoid the emotions the harder the grief is to move through.

There’s something beautifully humbling about grief. It’s uniting. We all experience it in some way or another and in many situations, multiple times throughout our lives. I’m here to say, that’s all okay! As human beings, we were meant to grieve and we were meant to experience loss. Because of this, it’s likely others in your life can relate to the feelings you’re going through. You don’t have to deal with it alone. There are also lessons in the losses we experience in life. Loss pushes us past our limits and helps us see the world and interpret our lives differently. It even can push us to better things in our lives that we never thought possible and can strengthen the relationships you have with the people still in your life. So if you are currently in a season of grief and loss, know that what you’re going through is normal and the intensity and frequency of these emotions will pass. All types of grief, including those ambiguous and non-traditional forms of grief are part of life. Take what you need from the experience and release what doesn’t help you. 

By: Katherine Pines, LCSW